Children's Experience of NIRVANA

NO Dharma, I want to play!

A Buddhist member remarked today, that kids who come to this Buddhist center just want to play games. "Kids come here to play and learn nothing!" He was saying that children should play less and learn more. It is really sad that children do not really have a place at Buddhist centers and temples to be themselves. Why do we always want our kids to learn something, can't parents just let kids be? Can we give them an experience of Buddhism which is positive and happy? They are already cramped with studies, exams, tuitions, demands from parents, teachers and adults. Can't our Buddhist centers free children from all this dukkha that kids experience day in and day out? Sunday schools today are like schools - no different, except that we have puja and the occasional games and singing.

Let me share something with you. A big part of my early life was spent in a temple - a Thai temple in the Northern part of Malaysia. We did what we should do, we also did what we should not do. There were spaces for us to have our quiet time and to do our studies, reading and preparation for exams. There were opportunities to interact and meet new friends, and of course play our own games.

With new found friends, we did some crazy things and paid the price for it. One day, we climbed up the mango tree in front of the monks quarters and "took"some mangoes. When the Chief monk found out he was upset. I thought that at that time he did not know who "took" them. He called us all and told us that the tree had been cursed and who every "took" those mangoes and ate them will suffer grave consequences! We panicked, "pissed in our pants", refused to admit we did it. We suffered for several weeks worrying about what might happen to us only to find out that it was a just to scare us. We finally owned up.

We were also exposed to the chanting by the Thai monks, I enjoyed it very much. I would always sit at the back of the hall during evening chanting session just to hear the vibrations of the Thai style chanting.

Above all, we were happy! That was what matters. This space and happiness gave me a very positive experience of Buddhism which later led me to be more committed to understand the Dharma more. After my 5th Form and spending about 2 years at the temple, I decided to become a samanera (novice monk). Up till today, I have very close affinity to the Thai temple tradition, this is my personal experience.

Looking back, the temple was my little "nirvana"-time and place away from dukkha of home, school and other things complicated for children. A Buddhist center should be that little "nirvana" experience for children, young and old.

Never mind if the children do not "learn" and just want to play games. Let it be. The Buddha did not force his disciples, especially the lay disciples. There were stories such as the Buddha's encounter with Chatta whom the Buddha knew was going to die that day. The Buddha did not make him listen and learn the Dhamma. He taught him simple chant to think of the peaceful and HAPPY things. When the boy died, he was reborn in the higher realms because of his happy last thought moment.

Do not deprive children of a positive experience of the Dharma. That is why I personally would not condone the scolding of children at our center, especially in front of the shrine hall. Do not deprive children of that "nirvana" experience in the center - make it a happy place. They will appreciate it in the future. Do not sit and wonder later, why your children decided to change religion or do not have any spiritual base at all..


Parents need to look inwards

Very often due to our own insecurities and short comings, we push our children to do and learn things which we think are useful and beneficial. Do not do things just to make ourselves secure. We need to sincerely ask ourselves, "what are we afraid of when we let our children go and have fun?"

Remember, children's happiness is important although they may not result in "A's" in their report cards, but nonetheless, they are very significant.

I am willing to go beyond conventional Buddhism to make my children happy so that they may learn and experience Buddhism positively (although sometimes I may assume the manner of that fierce chief monk way up north!).

And parents........... it's okay to hang loose and enjoy yourself once a while. Kids need to be kids and sometimes, we need to be kids too.

Let's do it for our children.

SUKHI HOTU!